Monday, March 5, 2012

Miss Independent?

Confession – I have never eaten at a restaurant alone.

Another Confession  – I have never been to a movie alone.

In fact, there are very few things I have done entirely by myself. I’ve never even lived by myself. I’ve had room-mates since I left home.  And now I’m getting married, so I’ll be sharing a space with my hubs-to-be from here until eternity.

I like to think of myself as an independent spirit. I spent every summer, from the time I was ten until I left home at 18, away from home in dorms at ballet summer intensives.  And I carry some of my favorite memories growing up from them.

My parents did a great job at teaching me to be self-sufficient without depriving me of the support and encouragement I needed. I know how to take care of myself. I pay my own bills, plan my own path, make my own decisions, and dictate my own schedule.

But those little instances of independence still freak me out. I become very uncomfortable at the thought of eating out alone. I can’t pinpoint where that uneasiness comes from. I am not a shy person so it’s not about standing alone in the social surroundings.

The movie situation is even stranger in theory. When I go to a movie with anybody else, we walk in together and sit silently while the movie plays. Why then, when going to a movie is in itself a generally solitary experience, do I feel so uncomfortable doing it alone?

Does anyone else feel incredibly uncomfortable in these places?

I ask this today as I’m traveling for work, spending the majority of my time, outside of meetings, alone.  Breakfast alone in the café, much time alone in my room, a lot of solitary drive time.  And you know, I’m ok with that. But I find myself still feeling slightly uncomfortable, even in these silly little situations.

I’m going to be intentional the next few days about enjoying this time to myself. I treasure my relationships.  I treasure the memories I make with other people. And I do feel that I take enough time to know who I am, enough time to be introspective. Heck, I write out my life here on this blog, so I know I am reflecting on myself semi-often.

But this week, I am going to really enjoy the quiet. Enjoy being on my own. I’m going to be okay with not having a dinner partner….

…..and then I’m going to go home and hug my fiancé. :)

Hey, I don’t have to like it forever.

Happy Monday Friends!

1 comment:

  1. I have never been to a movie alone (though I do watch them at home alone sometimes) I have eaten at a restaurant alone, of necessity, but I don't feel comfortable with it. I think part of the problem is that going out to a movie or dinner is a social occasion, almost a celebration and needs more than one person. Part of the pleasure is sharing our experience. Even though I enjoy and must have some time alone, when I can not share something good I feel really alone.